Tradeoffs
It’s been one year since my last day at my last full-time job. Notice I didn’t say “most recent” full-time job. By “last” I really mean “final.”
A year ago, I was pissed, anxious, scared, fighting with my former employer over unemployment, having an existential crisis about AI taking my livelihood, and spending several hours a day desperately applying for full-time jobs. (In fairness, I was also going for walks, strolling through tiktok rather than jumping right out of bed and immediately into the shower, reading more, and working on my business plan and company brand.)
By July, I’d landed a part-time gig, won the battle to receive unemployment benefits, and was settling in to my new routine. By fall, I was writing a book, on a path to spiritual healing and personal authenticity, leaning in on AI, and pretty gosh darn content.
On the day of the actual anniversary, I got a text from a friend who is also in the writing/marketing/communications field, asking if I had time for a phone call to commiserate about how messed up the industry is. Of course I said yes. But after we said our hellos and he explained what’s going on with him (and another colleague he’d just been talking to), I realized I have no room to complain.
I have plenty of work. So much, in fact, that I had to let one of my clients know I would be ending my tenure with them as soon as I can help them find a full-time employee to replace me. With all that work, I’m still finding time to work on my book. (Not as much to write here, unfortch.) I don’t get the Sunday Scaries anymore. It’s pretty dreamy.
But, by far, the best thing about how I’m making money these days is how authentic I get to be. I’m no longer saddled with fear that I’ll be let go if I disagree with an exec, or that my career trajectory will stall if I say something wrong.
A year ago, I would not have told you my career ambition had anything to do with authenticity. I wanted to be VP, to keep climbing the corporate ladder, to make more money. My definition of success has completely shifted.
No one is dangling a VP title over my head in order to guilt me into working weekends. I don’t have study up to be better with spreadsheets in order to show what a team player I am. I no longer pretend to feel — or self-impose an obligation to feel — that the success of the entire company rides on my shoulders. I get to pick who I work with and what kind of work I do.
I know how tough it is out there. Finding a new job is nearly impossible. Those who are fortunate enough to still have a full-time job, who have survived the great AI layoff so far, are still dealing with a whole lot of corporate bullshit. So I’m not saying any of this to brag or rub my own good luck in anyone else’s face.
But it was more than luck that got me here. It was faith, perseverance, maintaining good relationships with people I’ve worked with for 25+ years, adaptability, and more than a little help from spirit guides, my family, and friends who took me to happy hour when I didn’t have a regular paycheck. I’m exceedingly grateful for all of it.
I can’t see myself ever going back. Being beholden to any one employer no longer holds any appeal. I miss the stability (and the benefits) of a full-time job, but I’d trade that stability for this sense of freedom and autonomy in a heartbeat.